Polygamy and Child marriages should not be thrown together in the same basket.
There is a common misconception that because someone practices polygamy they are pedophiles and or child abusers. And I want to put an end to that misconception.
I am not saying that child abuse and under aged marriages do not occur in some polygamist relationships, But it does NOT happen in all of them.
In Centennial Park girls are not married when they are still children. Most get married at least after they have graduated from high school or college. And they most certainly are not forced to do so.
I have heard it said that it would be far better for young women to get married after they turn twenty five and have had more experience, because even after they have turned 18 young people (men and women) may not be fully ready to take on the trials that marriage will surely present.
But of course it is the woman’s choice when she feels she’s ready to get married. There is no rule that states what age or experience a woman must have before she can be married.
Many people make the assumption that because some people believe in polygamy ANDchild marriages then all people who believe in polygamy believe its ok to marry children.
This is as ridiculous as assuming that because some Muslims believe in Ala AND believe its ok to strap a bomb to their chest, walk into an open market full of innocent men women and children and detonate it killing hundreds of people: then all Muslims who believe in Ala are also terrorists.
Polygamy and child marriages are not directly linked to one another and people should stop assuming that because some polygamists engage in certain activities then all polygamists do so
I know several polygamists. I have to say, “I would love to step into the polygamists sect”. The conept of people caring for people is my kind of family. I saw first hand how the people are, and I would be honored to be among them.
Charles, the honest seeker of truth should never be turned away. If God leades you and you follow, you will not go wrong, if you truly desire to be among them.
to the person who runs this site… How old are you and what group are you in??? my name is amanda and i am 21
Haven’t heard much about these folks. I do believe in equality between men and women in relationships. I believe that we offer to our partners ascendancy in what our natural talents and abilities bring to our relationships. You’re better at math and financial planning? Okay–you do the books and manage the money.
But it’s all about dialogue, about respect and the sharing of power.
And God hasn’t much to do with it either way.
OK I AGREE THAT ONCE YOUR READY FOR MARRIAGE AND KNOW WHAT
YOU WANT THEN GO FOR IT ,IT’S UP TO YOU.
ALL I SEE IS YOUNG WOMEN GETTING MARRIED TO MUCH OLDER MEN.
WHERE ARE THE NICE YOUNG MEN GONE TO?YOU KNOW AND I KNOW THAT THE YOUNG WOMEN WOULD PERFER THE YOUNGER MALES THAN THE OLD SAGGY,GREY,WEAKER OLD MEN.OH COURSE.
I COULDN’T IMAGINE MY 16 YEAR OLD WEDDING A OLD MAN THAT COULD BE HER FAHERS AGE OR GRANDFATHERS AGE,I’DE LOVE TO SEE A YOUNGER MAN ,STRONGER MAN THAT WILL GROW OLD WITH HER AND BE THERE FOR THERE CHILDRENS WEDDING.
MY LORD WHEN THESE WEAK OLD MEN ARE WEDDING THESE GIRLS AT 18 OR SO,HOW OLD ARE THESE GUYS WHEN THEIR KIDS ARE 18,SITTING IN A ROCKING CHAIR PLEASE THIS IS ALL BRAIN WASH.
BUT I MUST HAND IT TO THE MEN YOU GUYS ARE VERY SMART REAL SMART.
WHICH GUY WOULDN’T.
I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND SINCE I WAS 16 ,HE 18,WE ARE STILL TOGETHER AND I’M NOW 35.
I CAN AT LEAST SAY I’M THE ONLY WOMEN HE WANT AND THAT BE’S NOT HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER IN THE ROOM NEXT DOOR.
LIKE I SAID THE MEN IN YOUR CULT ARE VERY SMART ,WOMEN ARE LIKE BRAIN WASHED.
Yes, the usual comments from some who can’t open their minds.
I don’t know for certain why the FLDS began marrying off their daughters so young. I think it was likely because some girls who waited until their late teens or twenties were getting into immoral activities before marriage. So they followed the biblical teaching about it being better to marry than to burn.
In that light, it seems to me to be a case of choosing among two evils. My opinion is that no one should marry under the age of 18. That said, I have a daughter we could not stop from marrying at 17, and she was wanting to at 16. Was she ready? No. Was there any stopping her? No.
The FLDS hold that no person should be kissing, or cuddling before marriage, or with anyone not their spouse. They try really hard to live that. So keeping their teenagers on that moral high road has to be a big problem.
Clearly, main stream values is OK with girls copying Britney Spears’ bare midriff, and the loose sexual mores that go with it. I can scarcely believe it, but I find my 12 to 14 year old girls with thongs, not panties, in the laundry. I don’t know how, or where they got them, but it is clear that the worldly values attract them to display themselves, and a parent has a really tough job to guide them away from worldly vices.
Winston Blackmore’s blog tells how they feel that a woman should decide for herself when and whom she will marry. Say a young woman wants to marry a certain man. She isn’t allowed to date him, or kiss him, or be alone with him. She can’t hardly flirt, for that matter. So she goes to her father and tells him that she’d like to marry so and so. Her father prays about it, and if he feels it’s right, he goes to the bishop or the prophet, if he’s available, and they present the idea. If that spiritual leader agrees, then he calls the woman’s chosen man in, and calls him to marry her.
It’s a little like arranged marriages, especially for the husband. But it puts the choice of partner strongly on the woman, and I think there’s much to be said for that. So they start practicing this, and they find that girls not far past puberty want to marry. And some of them want to marry men who have proven that they know how to be loving and good to their wives, and whose wives adore them. So you get 14 year old girls asking to marry 44 year old men. And if a mature man is called by his spiritual leader to marry a young woman, who is he to refuse?
Now, that doesn’t conform to my values, but I think I can understand it pretty well. All this fuss about Warren Jeffs, and the child brides in the FLDS, has caused them to reflect and decide to refuse to condone, or solemnize any further marriages of women or men under the age of 18. I think that’s a very good, and wise decision.
But I know what will happen. Their daughters between 13 and 18 will sometimes act in flirty ways and some cases of immorality will occur. Then they’ll have to decide whether to excommunicate, or marry off, or simply chastise and call to repentance those who have committed sexual sins.
The fact is that girls of 12 to 14 begin to feel like sexual beings, and they have desires. Boys begin to have intense desires between 15 and 18 too. Telling them to hold off on those feelings for six years or more feels like an eternity to them.
So a society has but three choices that I can see:
1. Let children marry (child brides & maybe husbands),
2. Strong discipline to keep youth from acting on their desires (child abuse, maybe?), or
3. Tolerate some misbehavior and use it to help them learn to be penitent, self sacrificing and obedient to God. (tolerate sin, or at least the sinners?!!)
Society at large has many children becoming mothers, but it keeps the numbers down through abortion (perish that thought) and has parents helping their children raise their children. It largely looks the other way as long as the father doesn’t marry the underage mother.
Both monogamist and polygynous societies have to deal with the fact that girls and boys become sexually mature beings long before they are mature enough to marry wisely. There just doesn’t seem to be a really good answer available.
Oh my goodness.. I pity you poor poor women. You have truly been brainwashed and by your men, who are getting all of the benefit. You say you choose this way to live… Have you ever even tried monogamy? Doubtful.. You have probably been raised thinking that this is a suitable and..normal?.. lifestyle. How many women do you know that just show up to your cult from the outside world and ask for that life.. Few if any i’m sure. The fact that young women are picking old men isn’t based on what they see, it’s based on what they have been told by you brainwashed older women and the men. Those little girls probably think they are going straight to hell if they don’t listen to you. You want people to understand your lifestyle.. when is the last time you slipped your foot in another shoe and saw how insane this is?? Woman to woman.. Save those who still have a chance. Get them help before they too are brainwashed into believing that this is the only way to live. If your leader tells you to start eating people.. will you do that for him too?
Lisa – I think you should be careful when you use the word ‘normal’. What’s normal? Tiger Woods? He was America’s idol- a vision of hard work paying off, yet look what he did with all of his money. Instead of enjoying his time with his family, he’d go to Vegas philander with countless women that I’m SURE Elin would not want hanging around and influencing her kids. In plural marriage, your children are surrounded by tons of role models and there is strength in numbers – even if one parent is away on business, there are several others waiting to take care of you and give you the love and attention you need.
While i don’t live in polygamy, and have little desire to do so i will admit that i am a 21 year old wife and i can see the advantages of polygamy.
My husband and i married young, i was 18 and he 25, hardly a child bride but when i tell people the information still razes eyebrows.
Providing that all members of the family entered into the relationship by choice i hardly see polygamy as wrong and certainly not something to be attacked so vehemently as others on this comments tread have done.
That said, it feels like many people seem to have a problem with the religious side of polygamy- perhaps if we could find someone who practiced polygamy for non religious reasons… would that change peoples opinions?
That’s a good option in theory, but that’s not the point. The reason why polygamy is such a contentious issue is because people ARE doing it for celestial glory. They increase their husband’s number of wives for that reason, and they try to have as many kids as possible, for that reason.
and while i can also see your point, the fact is that as far as i can tell this blog mentions nothing about celestial glory.
(the author says that while he follows a abrahamic type religion he is not mormon- so perhaps celestial glory isn’t really the right word…)
what i ment was that i wanted to see if the debate over polygamy would be tempered somewhat if the factor that led people into polygamy wasn’t religion but rather free choice and convenience.
BUT, if people want to discuss polygamy in the solely mormon context then i guess you are right… unless you want to talk about the fact that plently of cultures practice polygamy/ polyanrdy in the world without bringing religion into the picture.
Perhaps not all people who practice polygamy arn’t all FLDS?
additionaly, if we stop acting like all people who take up polygamy are religious then perhaps people like “lisa” might not act like polygamy is something that religion uses to control women.
If its a better way of life then its a better way of life!
And sorry about the 2x negative: NOT ALL PEOPLE WHO PRACTICE POLYGAMY ARE FLDS.
yes, then, of course. if three or more people consensually take up polygamy and there’s a good division of work, spousal love, etc, then it’s a wonderful practice, although the kids will still have to explain to their classmates, who will still bully them because their parents arent following the norm
HEY MEMPHIS22! SETTLE DOWN AND TURN OFF CAPS!
I see a lot of comments about poligamy asthe best escape root for everyone because men cannot keep their pants zipped up after they get married and that they will keep sleeping around anyway.Ha Ha. How about you men start acting like men. practice some willpower and respect your one and only woman as she should be respected: equal to you in every way human being. Not one man equal 20 human beings.
Also, is poligamy for men? Women get ripped off again! Men cannot be faithful–let’s invent polygamy. Women cannot be faithful__let’s chastise and punish them. Or there is a chapter on women allowed to have multiple husbands that I don’t know about?
This is soo cousumeristic! There is no necessity in practicing polygamy in such rich countries as North American countries.
I can see how polygamy could be a natural choice in some extreme situations such as war times. My parents come from Eastern Europe and there had been families there after a World War II where a woman would have two husbands whom she loved. One was officially declared as killed in a battle but returned unexpectedly five years after the war was over. His wife by then remarried and also loved the new husband. They agreed to live together. That was justifiable situation.
I can understand how by Muslim law when a woman’s husband dies, his brother or close relative has to take care of the woman. I don’t see why they would not do that without the “benefits”, just be human, help her for a while like any kind stranger would do and let her remarry eventually. I think polygamy based on this rule was dictated by the imperfection of countries’ political/religious system where no one wanted to marry a widow with no wealth or the downside of the law that treated all females as requiring caretaker. That by itself was also a byproduct of war times. These laws proliferated for ages because the countries were ALWAYS AT A WAR, AT ALL TIMES. And in those countries that are at war of course will be a lot of widows and children to take care of. There also would be shortage of male population.
So to me it looks that the concept that naturally occured due to extreme living circumstances and therefore was justified, is being applied by immoral consumeristically minded individuals to cater to their moral weaknesses.
No woman in her sane mind can believe that in the country where there are all and every mechanisms available for her to reach her highest potential she NEEDS polygamy. Polygamy in North America is a CHOICE, NOT NECESSITY. And not the best one at that.
Alongside with personal growth and fulfillment opportunities (besides fulfillment of sexual desires and procreating), North American countries have a wide range of services: pensions for men and WOMEN, welfare protection for both genders equally, grants and loans for those starting their own business, educational grants for BOTH GENDERS, ETC. There is no need for women to rush into protective relationships like polygamy at all.
And talking communal childrearing, ever heard “it takes a village to raise a child”? You don’t have to belittle women to get help raising children. Just be social. There is a lot of love and care going around. Just need to try. It is also good for children to grow up in the society where love and care is abound without being locked into tiny world of their parental commune. They will learn to trust more and give more. Of course the male ones will probably not grow up to create a collection of wives and the females will most likely not see a point of being one of 20 loved ones by her husband.
To Dale Kemp: Underage marriage, as the only option to avoid teenage immorality??? Are you freaking kidding me? Man up, take a few steps out the stone age, and have a CONVERSATION with your teenage daughters every once in a while to teach them about right and wrong, no “child abuse” needed. It’s called parenting. Of course teenagers are going to have sexual desires. But they also have the intelligence and capability to learn will power and values and correct standards, despite what the world of “Britney Spears” may be teaching them day in and day out. Put your foot down, throw out the thongs in the laundry, and show your teenagers by example what character is. There are options besides your “1. child marriage 2. child abuse 3. misbehavior”. Your child could actually just make great decisions with your guidance and example along the way, I promise. Of course there will be missteps and and conflicts, but the extremes of either teenage pregnancy or marriage at 16?? Come on, really?? This is really a valid excuse somehow for polygamy? You’ve got to be joking.
Pedophiles use all kinds of justifcations to excuse their behavor, religion and culture being only two of many. Unfortunately because living the poly lifestyle is against the law, poly ppl are forced undergreound and are suseptable to being manipulated by pereverted leaders, playing on those fears. For leaders to justify sex with children, as god’s will is such BS, and wonders me, just which god they worship (probably themselves).