Polygamy and Child marriages should not be thrown together in the same basket.
There is a common misconception that because someone practices polygamy they are pedophiles and or child abusers. And I want to put an end to that misconception.
I am not saying that child abuse and under aged marriages do not occur in some polygamist relationships, But it does NOT happen in all of them.
In Centennial Park girls are not married when they are still children. Most get married at least after they have graduated from high school or college. And they most certainly are not forced to do so.
I have heard it said that it would be far better for young women to get married after they turn twenty five and have had more experience, because even after they have turned 18 young people (men and women) may not be fully ready to take on the trials that marriage will surely present.
But of course it is the woman’s choice when she feels she’s ready to get married. There is no rule that states what age or experience a woman must have before she can be married.
Many people make the assumption that because some people believe in polygamy ANDchild marriages then all people who believe in polygamy believe its ok to marry children.
This is as ridiculous as assuming that because some Muslims believe in Ala AND believe its ok to strap a bomb to their chest, walk into an open market full of innocent men women and children and detonate it killing hundreds of people: then all Muslims who believe in Ala are also terrorists.
Polygamy and child marriages are not directly linked to one another and people should stop assuming that because some polygamists engage in certain activities then all polygamists do so
December 10, 2007 at 4:59 am
I know several polygamists. I have to say, “I would love to step into the polygamists sect”. The conept of people caring for people is my kind of family. I saw first hand how the people are, and I would be honored to be among them.
January 3, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Charles, the honest seeker of truth should never be turned away. If God leades you and you follow, you will not go wrong, if you truly desire to be among them.
April 17, 2008 at 6:46 pm
to the person who runs this site… How old are you and what group are you in??? my name is amanda and i am 21
April 25, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Haven’t heard much about these folks. I do believe in equality between men and women in relationships. I believe that we offer to our partners ascendancy in what our natural talents and abilities bring to our relationships. You’re better at math and financial planning? Okay–you do the books and manage the money.
But it’s all about dialogue, about respect and the sharing of power.
And God hasn’t much to do with it either way.
January 11, 2009 at 4:25 am
OK I AGREE THAT ONCE YOUR READY FOR MARRIAGE AND KNOW WHAT
YOU WANT THEN GO FOR IT ,IT’S UP TO YOU.
ALL I SEE IS YOUNG WOMEN GETTING MARRIED TO MUCH OLDER MEN.
WHERE ARE THE NICE YOUNG MEN GONE TO?YOU KNOW AND I KNOW THAT THE YOUNG WOMEN WOULD PERFER THE YOUNGER MALES THAN THE OLD SAGGY,GREY,WEAKER OLD MEN.OH COURSE.
I COULDN’T IMAGINE MY 16 YEAR OLD WEDDING A OLD MAN THAT COULD BE HER FAHERS AGE OR GRANDFATHERS AGE,I’DE LOVE TO SEE A YOUNGER MAN ,STRONGER MAN THAT WILL GROW OLD WITH HER AND BE THERE FOR THERE CHILDRENS WEDDING.
MY LORD WHEN THESE WEAK OLD MEN ARE WEDDING THESE GIRLS AT 18 OR SO,HOW OLD ARE THESE GUYS WHEN THEIR KIDS ARE 18,SITTING IN A ROCKING CHAIR PLEASE THIS IS ALL BRAIN WASH.
BUT I MUST HAND IT TO THE MEN YOU GUYS ARE VERY SMART REAL SMART.
WHICH GUY WOULDN’T.
I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND SINCE I WAS 16 ,HE 18,WE ARE STILL TOGETHER AND I’M NOW 35.
I CAN AT LEAST SAY I’M THE ONLY WOMEN HE WANT AND THAT BE’S NOT HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER IN THE ROOM NEXT DOOR.
LIKE I SAID THE MEN IN YOUR CULT ARE VERY SMART ,WOMEN ARE LIKE BRAIN WASHED.
March 6, 2009 at 12:13 am
Yes, the usual comments from some who can’t open their minds.
I don’t know for certain why the FLDS began marrying off their daughters so young. I think it was likely because some girls who waited until their late teens or twenties were getting into immoral activities before marriage. So they followed the biblical teaching about it being better to marry than to burn.
In that light, it seems to me to be a case of choosing among two evils. My opinion is that no one should marry under the age of 18. That said, I have a daughter we could not stop from marrying at 17, and she was wanting to at 16. Was she ready? No. Was there any stopping her? No.
The FLDS hold that no person should be kissing, or cuddling before marriage, or with anyone not their spouse. They try really hard to live that. So keeping their teenagers on that moral high road has to be a big problem.
Clearly, main stream values is OK with girls copying Britney Spears’ bare midriff, and the loose sexual mores that go with it. I can scarcely believe it, but I find my 12 to 14 year old girls with thongs, not panties, in the laundry. I don’t know how, or where they got them, but it is clear that the worldly values attract them to display themselves, and a parent has a really tough job to guide them away from worldly vices.
Winston Blackmore’s blog tells how they feel that a woman should decide for herself when and whom she will marry. Say a young woman wants to marry a certain man. She isn’t allowed to date him, or kiss him, or be alone with him. She can’t hardly flirt, for that matter. So she goes to her father and tells him that she’d like to marry so and so. Her father prays about it, and if he feels it’s right, he goes to the bishop or the prophet, if he’s available, and they present the idea. If that spiritual leader agrees, then he calls the woman’s chosen man in, and calls him to marry her.
It’s a little like arranged marriages, especially for the husband. But it puts the choice of partner strongly on the woman, and I think there’s much to be said for that. So they start practicing this, and they find that girls not far past puberty want to marry. And some of them want to marry men who have proven that they know how to be loving and good to their wives, and whose wives adore them. So you get 14 year old girls asking to marry 44 year old men. And if a mature man is called by his spiritual leader to marry a young woman, who is he to refuse?
Now, that doesn’t conform to my values, but I think I can understand it pretty well. All this fuss about Warren Jeffs, and the child brides in the FLDS, has caused them to reflect and decide to refuse to condone, or solemnize any further marriages of women or men under the age of 18. I think that’s a very good, and wise decision.
But I know what will happen. Their daughters between 13 and 18 will sometimes act in flirty ways and some cases of immorality will occur. Then they’ll have to decide whether to excommunicate, or marry off, or simply chastise and call to repentance those who have committed sexual sins.
The fact is that girls of 12 to 14 begin to feel like sexual beings, and they have desires. Boys begin to have intense desires between 15 and 18 too. Telling them to hold off on those feelings for six years or more feels like an eternity to them.
So a society has but three choices that I can see:
1. Let children marry (child brides & maybe husbands),
2. Strong discipline to keep youth from acting on their desires (child abuse, maybe?), or
3. Tolerate some misbehavior and use it to help them learn to be penitent, self sacrificing and obedient to God. (tolerate sin, or at least the sinners?!!)
Society at large has many children becoming mothers, but it keeps the numbers down through abortion (perish that thought) and has parents helping their children raise their children. It largely looks the other way as long as the father doesn’t marry the underage mother.
Both monogamist and polygynous societies have to deal with the fact that girls and boys become sexually mature beings long before they are mature enough to marry wisely. There just doesn’t seem to be a really good answer available.